Hidden Sadness
by Demigoth C. Emo
Summary: "Please don't deplore yourself. Even if the world doesn't forgive you, I will forgive you. Please don't deplore yourself. Even if you don't forgive the world, I will forgive you. So tell me: What will it take for you to forgive me?" Is this the life he deserves: being a ruthless criminal? Song: Seizensetsu


**Hidden Sadness**

_"Please don't deplore yourself  
Even if the world doesn't forgive you, I will forgive you  
Please don't deplore yourself  
Even if you don't forgive the world, I will forgive you_

_So tell me  
What will it take for you to forgive me?"_

_-Frederica Bernkastel (Onikakushi-hen)_

Michelangelo never knew this would happen; being a member of a thief gang in New York for six months made him a bit uneasy at the start. He only ran away from his family just to find peace. No. He accidentally ran into a thief gang and thought that he needs to make a new start, a new family. He thought this would be his new source of happiness.

One by one, his good deeds were burned and dead in his body, only replacing it with sins and following the devil's ways, stealing, smoking and drinking at night with his fellow gang members. At day time, he would say in the hideout, either playing cards or drinking again. No one ever caught them. Even as a mutant, they accepted him.

But is this the life he really wanted?

Inside, no.

Michelangelo (or ShellFire as they say it) walked to out one night to fetch more beer. He disguised himself as a regular human for his identity not to be revealed. While walking down New York's sidewalk, he heard voices from the sky?

Is it from the sky?

I don't think so.

"Man, where could Mikey be? It's been six months."Donnie said as he sighed. Mikey stopped and looked above the rooftop: there were his brothers, sobbing and wondering where there baby brother could be. They were sitting at the edge of the rooftop, almost losing hope.

_Bros...? No! They're not my brothers! I'm ShellFire now and they ain't my family! _He thought to himself, massaging his temples.

Then, all hell broke loose when he came upon a flashback.

* * *

_There he was on their fifth birthday, the day when he was still recovering from that big accident a few weeks back. It would take one month for him to recover and to get back on his feet._

_His brothers and sensei might be celebrating their birthday now, without him._

_Mikey cried feeling left out._

_Suddenly, he heard a knock on his door._

_"Michelangelo..."Master Splinter said. "Come in."Mikey said, more tears springing out of his face. As Splinter came in with something on his back, he grew concerned when he saw a crying face. He first gave the special thing to Leo and ran to his youngest son. He kissed him on the cheek and hugged him, wiping the tears on his face._

_"What is wrong, my son?"Splinter asked, making eye contact with him._

_"I-I feel left out."Mikey said, hugging Splinter. _

_Splinter smiled._

_"My son, you need to do what I say. Promise?"Splinter asked. Mikey nodded._

_"First, close your eyes."Splinter ordered in a gentle voice. Mikey gulped, thinking that Splinter would leave him. He trembled, obeying his orders. _

_A few moments later, there was the sound of a closing door._

_Mikey cried. _

_"Now open your eyes for me and look around."_

_Mikey got confused. He slowly opened his eyes and saw his brothers, holding a cake made of algae and worms. Mikey smiled._

_"You would do that for me?"Mikey asked, wiping his tears._

_"Of course. We wouldn't possibly leave you out. You're part of the family!"Leo exclaimed. Mikey hugged his brothers and soon enough, they returned the hug back._

* * *

_Part of the family...no! _Mikey exclaimed in thoughts. "No, no, no!"He ran off, tears on his face.

Meanwhile, the three brothers looked at him, running at the street.

"What's his problem?"Raph asked. "We'll never know. Come on...let's go."Leo said in a sad tone.

As Mikey dropped the beer inside their dining room, he quickly rushed to his room, crying. From his drawer, he opened it and looked at the family picture. Tears stained on it.

As he searched thoroughly, he looked at an album carefully.

**Rokkenjima In Love**

He walked towards the room and put the CD on.

Soon, a song came on. At the start, he soon drifted into unconsciousness.

* * *

**_Moshi mo, boku ga  
Akuma ni mieta nara  
Chotto dake  
Boku o homeyou  
Shiroku tsumetai chiisa na yubi o  
Nigirishime chi ga nagarete mo_**

"Wh-where am I?"he asked. As he turned around, he saw a mirror of himself, made out of crystals.

He looked at himself, gritting his own teeth.

"Welcome, Michelangelo."The reflection said. It shape shifted into a small girl no older than 11. She had blue-violet hair, a shell on her back and she was wearing a green sun dress.

"I'm not Michelangelo anymore! I'm ShellFire!"he exclaimed, punching the reflection.

"I'm sorry!"the girl whimpered.

"Whatever, get me outta here!"Mikey exclaimed. "I can't. You're trapped in this game board. You need to do this on your own. Good luck."the girl said. Then, Mikey disappeared in golden butterflies, the power sending him to the start of the game board.

Once, he was in his own form, all he could see is a dark void.

**_Tooi hi no kimi no egao  
Itsu made mo mitsukaranai ne  
Dakedo boku ga warumono ni  
Nareba itsuka wa..._**

"What's this?!"he exclaimed. Then, he could see crystals, falling out of the sky.

Ten fragments soon appeared around him.

"Choose your start."The girl said. Mikey touch the seventh fragment. Soon, everything changed to where they confront Shredder.

* * *

"You're gonna catch us first!"Leo exclaimed. Mikey clearly remembered this event; it was the time they confronted Shredder.

"Mikey...!"

Mikey released the "smoke bomb". "So long, sucker!"he declared. But when it cracked, they found out it was just an egg. They surrounded the cracked egg, and then three glances when to Mikey.

"Oops. Alright, that one's on me."

Just as the fight was about to begin, everything froze. Only Mikey can move.

The girl appeared.

"What do you want?"Mikey asked.

"Your first game is your confrontation with the Shredder...a very good place to start."the girl said. "So...what is my purpose being here?"Mikey asked.

"You're sent to time travelling to reflect on memories you won't forget. Here, you'll have to defeat Shredder just like in a chess game."the girl said.

"The game here is...like a chess game?"Mikey asked.

'Yes. It's all about elimination."the girl said.

"So...what do I have to do?"Mikey asked.

"Go with the flow."the girl said. Soon, she disappeared and everything unfroze.

Raph was about to make his first move but Shredder had another tried to kick him but Shredder landed in a perfect stance. Raph tried to strike Shredder's armor with his sai but failed. Shredder smirked and almost kicked Raph out of the building.

"Raph!"Leo exclaimed.

Raph got electrocuted thanks to the sign. He slowly fell.

It was Leo's next move. He tried to slice off the Shredder but missed due to Shredder's speed. As he grew tired, he fell down.

"Leo!"Donnie exclaimed, kneeling on his fallen older brother.

_It's Donnie's next move. _Mikey thought.

Donnie was about to hit him but missed when Shredder jumped. Shredder managed to get Donnie's bo staff. He was about to attack Donnie but he shielded himself. Then, Shredder kicked him.

_How is the ending? _Mikey thought. Without thinking, Mikey threw a side of his nunchuck but Shredder managed to grab it. Shredder pulled Mikey, causing the orange clad turtle to fly into the air. Shredder kicked him and Mikey landed to the floor. A shruiken appeared on but Shredder moved. Mikey fell. Just as Shredder was about to look at the falling turtle, Leo rose up and tried to attack him. Unfortunately, Shredder moved and Leo fell too. Donnie rose up and grabbed his bo staff and tried to hit him again. But Shredder moved, Donnie missed and fell. Lucky for him, he landed on his feet.

While the fight was going on, Mikey climbed up to a fallen Raph. Raph rolled around and opened his eyes. Raph smiled and Mikey smiled back.

Leo tried to attack Shredder again by leaping and landing on him. Shredder moved again and Leo fell. Using the claws, Shredder clashed on Leo's weapons. As Leo slowly moved a bit backwards, Donnie fell on Leo by accident. Shredder looked at Donnie and smirked. Raph landed on Shredder and began to punch him. But Shredder took and threw him to the ground. Using the nunchuks he got from Mikey, he tried to take the missing piece from his armour. But Mikey went down, pulled the side of the nunchuck and pulled Shredder up. Mikey landed with his brothers. But Shredder used his claws to slice the sign. The sign soon fell on Mikey. Shredder landed and the three brothers lifted the heavy sign for Mikey to get out. Shredder looked at the turtles, already posed for battle. Shredder saw the turtles, badly bruised. The turtles leaped and so did Shredder. Soon, Shredder kicked them. Leo tried to attack Shredder but he was kicked again. Shredder pinned him to the wall and trapped Leo's neck using the claws. Leo closed his eyes...then opened again.

"Tell me where I could find Hamato Yoshi."Shredder as a knife came out of his suit, directing it towards Leo. Soon, Fishface landed.

Shredder was shocked.

Dogpound tried to reach out to the turtles but they backed up a bit and disappeared.

Then, the background disappeared and Mikey was still at the start of the game.

* * *

"What?"Mikey asked.

"You've done well...but fell at the same time."the girl said. "Whatever. What's next?"Mikey asked. Soon, his heart glowed.

Then, everything changed again.

Mikey opened his eyes. He was standing on a stem. Then, he saw multiple fragments, each branching out on their own stems.

"Welcome to the fragment core."the girl said.

"So...what do I do here?"Mikey asked.

"You will wake up back in your room...but not in reality. You will have to discover each fragment I'll show to you. Now, begin."

Soon, he woke up.

"Thank god this is only a dream."he mumbled.

Soon, five fragments appeared.

"You gotta be kidding me..."

The fragments soon floated around. Mikey picked the fourth one. Soon, a vision started.

* * *

_It was again that fifth birthday. Mikey was happy: he didn't know he was left out. His family even surprised him._

_Smiling, Mikey slept. But before that, he heard another knock._

_Raph came in. Soon followed Leo and Donnie._

_"Mikey...can we sleep with you tonight?"Leo asked._

_"Okay."Mikey mumbled. Leo, Donnie and Raph climbed up to Mikey bed and covered all of them._

_"Night Mikey..."they mumbled._

_"Mmh...night guys..."Mikey muttered._

_"Don't worry Mikey. We'll always be there for you."_

* * *

Mikey cried.

Soon, he woke up.

Slowly, he took out the album and viewed at the pictures.

The song began again.

**_Moshi mo, boku ga  
Akuma ni mieta nara  
Chotto dake  
Boku o homeyou  
Shiroku tsumetai chiisa na yubi o  
Nigirishime chi ga nagarete mo_**

The first one was about something he wouldn't forget: it was a picture about he and his brothers when they were seven, training in ninjutsu for the first time. He chuckled as he looked at the next page: Raph was flipped to the ground, thanks to Leo. Donnie and Mikey laughed. Mikey smiled. He took out a pen and wrote the following words under the picture:

_I remember the time we took our first ninjutsu training. When we tried to do a no weapon combat, Leo easily beat Raph by flipping him to the ground. Raph ended up chasing Leo all over the lair until lunch. Raph managed to get him but Leo ended up tickling him before Splinter even came here. Man, you should have seen the look on Raph's face. _

_Mikey chuckled._

**_Tooi hi no kimi no egao  
Itsu made mo mitsukaranai ne  
Dakedo boku ga warumono ni  
Nareba itsuka wa..._**

He looked at the mirror. Mikey rose up and looked at himself. What did he become?

**_Douka, kimi wa kokoro kara  
Zankoku na boku o nikumi koroshite_**

Kizutsuketa kotoba ga kusatte  
Kono yo o arau aka ga kietara

Once he returned to the album, he skipped a few more pages. There, he saw him and his bothers at topside.

_This picture wasn't actually the first time we went topside...it's more of a third time actually._

_I remembered as if it were yesterday. We were celebrating our fifteenth mutation day. At first, Leo asked Master Splinter to go topside now that we were fifteen. Splinter didn't like the idea of it. But we managed to convince...with puppy do eyes! Man, you should have seen Splinter's face. He agreed but gave us like many instructions that I didn't have time to memorize them all._

_We loved it up here! It was also the time we first tasted pizza. It was amazing! Then, we met April O'Neil. You should have seen Donnie especially! He was all lovestruck! But then, some Kraang dudes kidnapped them. We managed to save April...but not her dad._

_So to cut things short, it was amazing!_

_As he peeked the last page, tears fell out of his face. _It was a picture of when they were 10: Mikey got badly injured because of a hunter, running down the sewers. He didn't know up until now that his brothers sneaked into his room and snuggled Mikey. Mikey was on top of Donnie. Donnie hugged him with one hand and patted his head with the other and smiled. Meanwhile, Leo and Raph hugged Mikey and put a big smile on their faces. But how did it end up as a picture? It maybe that Splinter possibly sneaked in and took a photo.

Mikey wrote:

_What have I become?_

_What did I do?_

_What have I done? I turned myself into a ruthless criminal, not thinking twice from the start. What have I become? I became a ruthless criminal all because of me! Me!_

_Please don't deplore yourself  
Even if the world doesn't forgive you, I will forgive you  
Please don't deplore yourself  
Even if you don't forgive the world, I will forgive you_

_So tell me  
What will it take for you to forgive me?_

Mikey closed the album and put it on his drawer. He looked at himself again at the mirror. With a soft voice, he sang along with the radio:

**_Douka, douka, kimi wa hohoende  
Zankoku na boku o koroshite kudasai  
Kanashimanaide  
Anata ga korosu to chikaeba  
Futari kagayaku ao ga furu_**

Mikey looked at himself. He looked at himself as a criminal, stealing other people's belongings. This wasn't right. Not at all.

"Please...kill the cruel me..."he mumbled. With a low bow, he cried out one last time:

**_Dareka, boku ni hohoende  
Kizukarenai uso o shitte kudasai  
Furuesugiru yubi o tsukande hoshii no  
Nande konna ni mo kanashiin darou ka..._**

He leaned against a wall and cried.

What has he become?

_"At the first time, I do my best to try again  
Against the inevitable tragedy  
In the second time, I became disgusted  
Towards the inevitable tragedy_

_The third time, disgust is overwhelmed into painfulness  
But by the seventh time, this all becomes a farce comedy."_

_-Frederica Bernkastel (Tsumihoroboshi-hen)_

* * *

**English lyrics:**

_If I  
Seemed to be a demon,  
Then let's praise me  
For a little bit.  
Even if blood flows when you grip  
Onto my cold, white, little fingers..._

Your smiling face from the distant days  
Is never found.  
But if I'm at fault  
Then someday...

Please, from your heart  
Hate and kill the cruel me.

If the wounded words decay  
And the redness that scours this world vanishes.  
_  
Please, please, please smile...  
And kill the cruel me.  
Don't grieve,  
If you vow to kill me.  
Then the shining blueness will fall upon the two of us._

Someone, please smile at me.  
And learn of the unnoticeable truth.  
I want you to grasp my fingers that tremble too much.  
I wonder why you're sad like this...

**Song: Seizensetsu (Bernkastel's Image Song)  
Question Arc to Tsumihoroboshi-hen by Frederica Bernkastel (Onikakushi-hen)  
Answer Arc to Onikakushi-hen by Frederica Bernkastel (Tsumihoroboshi-hen)**

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this one. I just heard this song and let me tell you something: ironic and heartbreaking. Search on Youtube and if you see a video that the keywords you searched were "umineko bernkastel's image song" with both Romaji and English lyrics (which I did), listen to it.**

**The song might have been something to do with Bernkastel, Rika and Frederica Bernkastel. According to a comment, it explained that Bern might have asked to kill herself so she can be Rika again. The explanation gets a bit more complicated but I'll tell you my theory about this problem:**

**Rika Furude (from Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni) is the real form. Frederica Bernkastel is the 100-year old form born and added into Rika's personality, thus making Rika have two personalties: boku and watashi. Bernkastel is the 100-year old witch that is made up from the Rikas who gave up in each arc and died. And I think the real reason why Bernkastel turned to evil is because she gave up hope in stopping the tragedies of June of Showa 58 (1983) and only did it to avenge either her friends because she can't stop them commiting a murder, all the people of Hinamizawa because they were in this mess or herself because she failed.**

**Complicated? Yeah...too complicated. But if you want to seek a better understandment in this theory, search for Bitterness. It should be:**

**Games- Higurashi/Umineko Series- Bitterness**

**It's suppose to be a Rika F. and Bernkastel story. That cleared up a few things. I hope Umineko will have season 2 to explain everything.**

**So, this was originally for a SAINW fic but my mind switched since I lost track. So if anyone wants to use this songs as a SAINW fic, go ahead. **

**Forgive me if its a long author's note.**

**So, review!**


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